Something on this table gave me hives (Dye in the Starburst? Cooking oil? I’ll never know). In the sensual spirit of Harry’s House, let’s rate the album based on how it tastes. I’m just sticking to those and not the lyrics about gummies, coke, and pills, because apparently it’s against company policy to expense drugs. To do so, I ate and drank my way through every food and beverage reference on the album, treating myself the way Styles treats whoever it is he’s singing about, which is probably Wilde. I’m single, and I’ve been single for one million years, and want to judge these lyrics on their merits.
They’re entwined in vignettes of dates, late nights, and early kitchen-counter mornings with a love interest. The tracks on Harry’s House go both ways. Those second two things are pretty expected in rock or pop songwriting, but lyrics about food run the risk of being more silly than sexy. The pop tracks are alternatingly playful and dreamy, all swirling around the album’s halfway point–slash–high point, the lovely ballad “Matilda.” As I’ve listened, though, I’ve noticed something: Harry Styles’s third solo album, Harry’s House, debuted last week, and it’s really quite nice. Styles’s solo work is, to borrow a phrase more commonly associated with a different ex of Taylor Swift, perfectly fine. Enya lives in a castle for a reason (the reason being that Orinoco cash flow, baybee). And that’s okay! Easy-listening music is good. Where One Direction achieved, in my mind, the best possible version of their chosen genre (boy-band pop), Styles’s attempts at funk are lacking and sound to me more than a little like easy-listening music. His solo music, however, has never moved me. Other than being all ambiguous for clout, Styles seems cool. Does he desperately need to watch this video by comedian Caleb Hearon? Yes, it would clear up a lot of annoyance. Styles is affable in the press, he’s hot, and he’s an item with Olivia Wilde in a very sexy boy–actor girl–director relationship (one of my favorite kinds of relationship). I like Harry Styles, as far as celebrities go. The “Watermelon Sugar” to “Music for a Sushi Restaurant” pipeline.
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